Accidental alpha: The first time I had sex

I’ve had some surprising accidental alpha moments. I’ve only had intercourse once. I was in high school. The girl knew me as the guy who threw the raves everyone was talking about, DJ’d techno, sold drugs, etc. I was a nice blue pill preacher’s son. I was definitely not alpha. I became the leader of the club/rave scene by accident.

I was going to move to another city that summer. A girl I’d used drugs with a few times told me “I want to see you before you leave”. My parents just happened to be out of town. She came over but I was playing techno so loud in my studio I didn’t hear the doorbell ring. I hear the phone ring and I answer. It’s this girl. She’s at a pay phone near my house. She says she kept ringing the doorbell and waited for a long time but I never answered the door. I told her I was in the studio and she needed to knock on my studio window. She gets back to my house and tells me how nervous she was that I wasn’t going to answer the door because she just had her friends drop her off and she needed me to give her a ride back to her house or she’d have a long walk. Interesting. I hadn’t thought about the fact that she didn’t have a car. Ok. Fine I’ll give her a ride.

I hadn’t talked to anyone about this. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I believed I was doing something terrible being alone with a woman and potentially having sex while at the same time I was really excited that a woman wanted to be with me. I did have condoms a friend had given to me in case I had sex with my last girlfriend but we never had sex and I had never used them. I believed it was terrible for a whole long list of reasons related to church and family beliefs.

We get to my room and basically she never said no, never put up any resistance, and we just kept escalating. We started making out and our clothes started coming off. Within minutes we were naked in my bed and I was doing what I’d seen in R rated movies. I put on my condom. I put her on top of me. It’s hilarious that I had assumed she was a virgin. She slipped my cock inside her without any hesitation and started riding it. I came very quickly, maybe a minute, a few minutes at the most. I hopped out of bed and took a shower leaving her alone.

I felt horrible. I beat myself up over this for over a decade.

I took my shower and thought about the horrible thing I’d done and tried to wash it off. I got dressed and went outside. She was already smoking a cigarette. I smoked one too. I didn’t say anything. I just smoked and then told her I’d drop her off.

I took her home and dropped her off and received one of the two best kisses I’ve ever received.

My favorite Mystery quote is something like: “We don’t seduce women. We create an environment for them to feel comfortable seducing us.” I think it’s funny that I accidentally ended up having this happen. I didn’t seduce her. She just really wanted to fuck me. She did most of the work.

I accidentally presented some alpha characteristics. Quite by accident I had become the leader of the club/rave scene. Quite by accident I didn’t pedestalize this girl when she came over. I was at an eleven of nervousness the whole time. I ended up talking very little because I was nervous. I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea I could have fucked her again and again and again. I didn’t know that was an option.

All of this seems funny now because this one time when I was a clueless nervous wreck I had a girl throw herself at me. At the time this was mysterious, confusing, distressing, etc. Now, after the red pill, this isn’t as mysterious.

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