I was wondering if you’d like to hang out this weekend

I’ve had a lot of success with myself, my confidence, etc. in the past few months. I’ve hung out with more women in the past few months than I had in my whole life previous. I’ve fucked a woman harder than I ever imagined I would.

I still have anxiety when I ask a girl out. I wanted to say something else but this is what came out of my mouth “I was wondering if you’d like to hang out this weekend”

I was really nervous before and after. I didn’t really clear my head for about 30 minutes. I was thinking “what a dumbass” “that was so lame” but now I can laugh. I’ve done better. I’ve done worse. I want to be better consistently. I am getting better. I’m being hard on myself. I want to arrive at perfection now but seeing that in writing… I want to change that. I want to enjoy every moment as much as I can.

I was hanging out among a new peer group at the end of the night and I just walked up to a girl and started talking to her and lead her away. We walked to her car and I asked her out. 2 months ago I couldn’t do that. 2 months ago I would have stood there in the group wondering what to do, beating myself up because I wasn’t doing anything, and I’d go home and look at porn and masturbate. Tonight I didn’t do any of that.

 

She agrees to meet me, then wants to call me, then reveals how fucked up she is. Thank you for giving me a sneak peek into how fucked up you are

Her profile photos are attractive. Her profile sounds fun.

Yet when she calls me she’s one of the dullest women I’ve talked to in years. How can a woman who looks cute in photos be that dull on the phone?

I have a new profile for her:

I’m a very dull person. Everything bothers and annoys me. I tend to date addicts. I don’t want to date addicts. I’d rather date a recovering addict than someone who recreationally uses drugs because at least the recovering addict is in recovery. Because of all of these things I talk myself out of seeing cool people.

Thank you for calling me and, in just a few minutes of your rambling, letting me know you’re fucked up. I get to enjoy the rest of my day without wasting any more time on you.

 

You are not a player. You are seriously looking for a good catch to marry and have a family and house with.

From an online dating profile of a 40 year old woman.

You are not a player. You are seriously looking for a good catch to marry and have a family and house with.

There is no “good catch”. Women are a liability, not an asset. When a woman says she’s a good catch I wonder about that a bit. She’s old, used up, looking for a sucker. Good catch? Ha!

This is part of the reframing of men’s thinking about women. Just reframe it back on them. How are you a good catch?

I’m a good catch. I’m also no longer offering my services as a provider. That was my goal for a long time and I changed my mind. Finding a woman who’s a good catch is a joke to me because I don’t believe any woman is a good catch. There are higher and lower quality women. Some women are hotter than others. Some women are less likely to cause problems than others. But they all come with risks, liabilities.

Catch indicates they’re rare. Women aren’t rare. Attractive women aren’t rare. Are quality women rare? I wouldn’t word it that way. Talking about women as being a catch or being rare doesn’t make sense to me.

Women aren’t that interesting. No one woman is that special. Switching from one woman to another isn’t that big a deal.

Women can be amusing, enjoyable, fun, at times.

Good catch is a red flag. In my experience it’s usually associated with women past their prime looking for a sucker to provide for their sorry old used up worn out selves.

If a woman is looking for a man who is looking for a good catch, she is looking for a blue pill pedestalizing sucker who still buys into all the lies we’ve been told about women.

 

40 year old woman wants to meet a nice guy and start a family

I went out with a girl recently who asked me how many kids I want to have. I had to turn away for a second and smile and withhold laughter. At that time I didn’t want to point out what was obvious to me. I wasn’t taking her seriously, I told her I wanted at least 16 kids, etc.

 

This is what I thought. This is why I was laughing:

You’re out of your mind.

You think I’m going to have kids with you?

You’re 40 years old. Why the fuck would me having kids with you ever even enter into my mind?

Too funny

 

She’s a 40 year old asian HB4. She appears to seriously believe she’ll find a nice, attractive, stable, male with options to settle down, marry her, and have kids with her. Given her age, her fertility is in question, she already has some gray hair, she’s already decided she prefers short hair, she prefers to be bossy, etc. What is she going to attract me and keep me with?

 

Girls don’t know how to have sex. Drinks first then advice. Talking to girls about sex and meeting them late at night near my house has aroused some anxiety

I met a girl last night at an event. I liked her but I was too nervous, too chicken to ask her out for a drink in front of some of her friends and some of my friends. I got her number and texted her today. She texted me back tonight.

We texted back and forth a few times. She had previously mentioned sex and referred me to an article online. In a text I said something about how “girls don’t know how to have sex” and she asked for advice. I said “drinks first then advice”. She said “when and where” and I said acme bar at 11pm. She said she can’t make it tonight but she can make it another night same place same time.

Because we’d talked about sex when we first met, because I was talking about sex over text, because it was already 10pm, because I was asking her to meet me in less than an hour, I knew that I was potentially getting myself into a scenario where a girl might be expecting, might be looking forward to having sex with me. This made me very nervous. My heart was pounding, I felt a sense of panic.

I’m still a little nervous about meeting her at 11pm later this week. As that day and time approaches I may get more nervous. I’m telling myself that this is all just an experiment. There’s no right or wrong. If I do something and don’t get the results I want then that’s just new information to use to act on next time. This isn’t the perfect girl. This isn’t my only chance. This is just one of many encounters with women who want to spend time with me. I’m curious where I’ll lead it and what’ll happen.

I think the anxious feelings are: I’ll do something wrong. She’ll want sex and I won’t know what to do. She’ll come to my apartment and she won’t like it. She’ll disapprove of this or that. We’ll have sex and I’ll be embarrassed because she’s not as hot as I’d like and I don’t want others to see her and me together.

To all those feelings I say: That’s ok to have some anxiety. I’m doing a lot of new things! And guess what?! This is also exciting! I’m doing new things! I’m having new experiences! I’m learning and if anything I don’t like happens I’ll take note and move on.

 

 

I met at a girl at a club. We met again later in the week. We kissed.

I didn’t think this hang out was actually going to happen. I randomly met a tourist girl at a club. She was a white HB 5. She was pretty cute, had a pretty nice body, had short hair, and had a few extra pounds at the waist. She was cuter than the last few girls I’ve met up with. I didn’t meet her on the internet. Yay me!

Over the course of a week: I asked her out for a drink once and she was out with friends already. I asked her when she was free and she didn’t reply. I mentioned I was going to a show and invited her. She replied. She wanted to go. I told her what to do, where to buy tickets, where to meet me, etc. We met up and had a good time together before, during, and after the show. We kissed for a few minutes at her car. She left town the next day.

I took her to a fairly busy bar I’ve never been to. This has generated a lot of fear and anxiety in the past because what if other guys talk to her, what if the place isn’t cool, what if there’s something I needed to know about the place that I didn’t know, what if whatever? I was nervous in general because I was meeting a woman but I wasn’t nervous about all those other things. It was nice. I would prefer to not be nervous at all but being much less nervous than in the past is a welcome change.

I made her buy her own ticket to the show. I felt no pressure with regards to whether she showed up or not. If she didn’t show up I was going to have fun. If she did show up I was also going to have fun.

I had made plans with another guy friend to go to this show together but he hadn’t replied to my last confirmation email in 2 days so I wasn’t sure if he was coming. If he showed up and she showed up we’d all hang out together and have fun. I’d just do what seemed right and be fine with that.

After the show I took her to another bar and we had a drink and talked. I touched her a few times, commented on her clothes and touched the fabric once or twice, held my hand on her leg for a minute.

I walked her to her car. We talked for a minute and said goodbye and I kissed her. We talked for another minute and she lamented she wasn’t going to be able to see me again on this trip. We kissed for a few minutes.

I have a feeling that she started the hang out with a little higher energy and rapport than I did and then cooled down after a few minutes. She gave me a bigger hug and I cut it short. In general that’s fine but the reason I didn’t hug her for more than a second was because I was anxious and I was doing everything fast, I was thinking fast, acting fast, panicking a little. She was really excited and was very talkative. I asked her if she’d like a drink and I started looking over the menu. I don’t like how this worked out. Basically all conversation ground to a halt as we looked at the drink menu. I wish I’d had a drink picked out in seconds and gotten back to the conversation rather than looking at the menu for a minute or two. I had thought it’d be fun to talk about the drinks but the rapport she had brought to the table didn’t dovetail with that. Once we were done ordering she went to the bathroom and came back and we kind of started over with what seemed like a little less energy and rapport.

When we arrived at the theatre for the show it was very busy. We were right on time which means technically we were probably 10 minutes late. Most of the seats were taken and they were going to close the doors in a few minutes. There were a dozen or more empty seats in the far back but I didn’t really want to sit that far back. There was a pair of empty seats on a nice row toward the front. I didn’t even think about it. I wanted to know if those seats were taken. I simply looked straight at the girls next to the seats and spoke loud enough for them to hear and asked if those seats were taken. I was 10 feet away but they still heard me and answered me. Without confidence this would have been impossible but with confidence it just happened.

6th okcupid hangout. We hung out for 4 hours and kissed. I’ll invite her to hang out with me again.

I met a fat woman who has a pretty face and beautiful long hair. She’s an HB3-4. If I could choose any woman I’d skip over her but she was one of the more pleasant and attractive girls who were interested in actually meeting me so I’m glad to meet her.

We met at a nice bar I’ve been wanting to check out. She was about 10 mintues late but I didn’t care much. This place was close to me. She had to drive about 20 minutes further than me. I walked around the venue for a minute to get a feel for the neighborhood. I went inside and chatted it up with a patron and the bartenders. I was at home enjoying myself and tasting sample drinks when she showed up. She had spent extra time making herself look pretty. Heels, sexy dress, cute coat, beautiful hair etc. I liked her looks. We hugged or shook hands. I can’t remember. We sat down and started talking about drinks and other things. I touched her a few times. After a while I realized it’d been about 90 minutes. I said something like “let’s go to another bar” and she said ok. We used Yelp, found the closest place which was literally across the street. I held her hand for a second and lead her in the direction of the door and said let’s go. We held hands part of the way walking over to the second bar.

The second bar was quite a dive bar. I would have preferred something a little less shitty but whatever. They didn’t really have anything good to drink but, again, whatever. We talked for another 90 minutes. If I’m sitting next to a woman I like I’ve started simply resting my hand on her leg and just leaving it there. When I was ready to go I told her something like “let’s go” or “let’s walk to your car”. On the way out she grabbed my arm, put her arm in mine, and we walked across the street. It was cute and feminine and affectionate. I like that she felt comfortable around me.

We talked at our cars for a minute and I got closer to her to say goodbye, to presumably maybe hug goodbye, and I kissed her. I don’t have this kiss close thing down perfect. I sometimes feel like I’m forcing myself through molasses or water to get to where I want to be. I sometimes feel like I’m slowly and manually moving myself into place for the kiss. It doesn’t seem as confident, casual, fluid as I’d like to eventually get. That’s my goal. My goal is to simply do with women what I want to do and if they don’t like it they can tell me. If I get close to a woman or vice versa and I want to put my arm around her I just put it there. I’m not quite there yet but I’m going there.

I gave her a nice kiss and she gave me a nice kiss back. No tongue. It lasted for several seconds.

This was a valuable experience. In the past I’ve been self conscious about how my woman makes me look. I’ve been afraid that if my woman didn’t look a certain way people would laugh at me and stuff. I don’t care as much about that any more and I’m caring about it less over time. She was fat. I decided I wanted to enjoy the evening with her and I did exactly what I wanted to do regardless of what other people might or might not be thinking. I am practicing being out of the business of projecting my thoughts and fears onto other people, of worrying what other people might say or think. I’m practicing having confidence in myself that whatever situation arises I can handle it. I’m practicing believing in myself no matter what. If someone makes fun of me, fuck them, move on, do whatever I want to do.

I texted her several days later and we texted back and forth a few times. I’ll text her again at some point telling her to meet me again. She was pleasant. I’d enjoy her company again.

I believe my improv class and studies helped a lot with this hang out. I have been much more aware of “yes but” “yes no” and “yes and” patterns because of the class exercises. On this hang out I was able to stay present, listen, respond, be interested in her, “yes and”, ask open ended questions, be calm during periods of silence. I noticed that a few times during silence she was more uncomfortable than me and she racked her brain and came up with a question for me. That’s fine.

One of my nightmare scenarios came up and it didn’t bother me at all. When I came back from the restroom one time a few guys had started talking to her and it didn’t bother me at all. I met them for a second and she and I started talking to each other again.